Ademuu
04-08-2002, 07:17 PM
93 MILLION MILES AWAY (DOCTORWORM) - There's new hope for Americans worrying about deficits in the national budget into the next century due to the 'Leave No Defense Contractor Behind' $396 billion defense budget which protects the country from the most harmful maniacs armed with boxcutters.
The new hope comes in the form of an asteroid orbiting the sun that could smash into the Earth with the explosive force of millions of tons of TNT in 878 years, wiping out terrorism and eradicating evildoers as we know them forever with the additional bonus of destroying terrorist infrastructure around the world amounting to one dollar and thirty seven cents in damage. The asteroid, which poses the biggest threat to the Earth of all known large asteroids, has odds of about one in 300 of impacting the planet.
"One in 300 is pretty long odds," said Jom D. Giorgini, a scientist at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, CA. "I'm not personally counting on it, but it's a helluva lot better than anything congress has to offer in terms of wrapping up this war."
President Bush, in his State of the Union address earlier this year, declared "we are winning the war on terror" and then stated several paragraphs later "tens of thousands of trained terrorists are still at large," and "camps still exist in at l a dozen countries." By saying we are winning he was merely following the beaten path taken by Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon who violated the constitution by declaring and presiding over the Vietnam War, without an official declaration from Congress, which of course we were winning the entire time right up until we lost.
The administration has conceded that unless the asteroid smash pans out, it's going to be a long tough battle against terrorism for the next 981 years. "There isn't going to be much in the way of a budget for anything else" President Bush commented. "As the problems of energy, poverty, lack of health insurance coverage, inadequate housing, real wages, consumer debt, the savings rate, criminal justice systems, disrepair of public works, family farms, wealth inequality, trade deficits, food safety, are at a standstill or sliding backward at the beginning of this century, the main priority here is to make sure even 7,000 miles away, across oceans and continents, on mountaintops and in caves terrorists will not escape the justice of this nation."
One citizen asked, "so, like, what color on the terror alert thing does an asteroid put us on? It would be totally sweet if we got up to the red. I mean, but like stamping out terrorism with a @#%$ asteroid is cool, but we would all die too. Wouldn't it be cooler if we told all the terrorists where a safe place from the asteroid was, and then Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck saved us from the asteroid with our own sweet crude oil straight from the National Arctic Wildlife Refuge? And then we just bombed the spot where we told all the terrorists to go because it was a trick. Dude, that is so hot it could make Janet Reno open up a paint can with her ding dong. I'm going to go watch "Ninja, Please."
Senator Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota, suggested that there might be reasonable measures of success for what until now has been an ill-defined "war on terror." Recalling the intended targets at the war's start, the majority leader said the United States must track down high-ranking Taliban and al-Qaida leaders, including Osama bin Laden, "or we will have failed." Americans, he added, are "not safe until we have broken the back of al-Qaida, and we haven't done that yet." Senator Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, screeched,"DON'T YOU CRITICIZE THE PRESIDENT, BOY!"
weekly commentary from doctorworm.com
related link (Asteroid Could Hit in 878 years AP article): story.news.yahoo.com/news...e_menace_1
The new hope comes in the form of an asteroid orbiting the sun that could smash into the Earth with the explosive force of millions of tons of TNT in 878 years, wiping out terrorism and eradicating evildoers as we know them forever with the additional bonus of destroying terrorist infrastructure around the world amounting to one dollar and thirty seven cents in damage. The asteroid, which poses the biggest threat to the Earth of all known large asteroids, has odds of about one in 300 of impacting the planet.
"One in 300 is pretty long odds," said Jom D. Giorgini, a scientist at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, CA. "I'm not personally counting on it, but it's a helluva lot better than anything congress has to offer in terms of wrapping up this war."
President Bush, in his State of the Union address earlier this year, declared "we are winning the war on terror" and then stated several paragraphs later "tens of thousands of trained terrorists are still at large," and "camps still exist in at l a dozen countries." By saying we are winning he was merely following the beaten path taken by Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon who violated the constitution by declaring and presiding over the Vietnam War, without an official declaration from Congress, which of course we were winning the entire time right up until we lost.
The administration has conceded that unless the asteroid smash pans out, it's going to be a long tough battle against terrorism for the next 981 years. "There isn't going to be much in the way of a budget for anything else" President Bush commented. "As the problems of energy, poverty, lack of health insurance coverage, inadequate housing, real wages, consumer debt, the savings rate, criminal justice systems, disrepair of public works, family farms, wealth inequality, trade deficits, food safety, are at a standstill or sliding backward at the beginning of this century, the main priority here is to make sure even 7,000 miles away, across oceans and continents, on mountaintops and in caves terrorists will not escape the justice of this nation."
One citizen asked, "so, like, what color on the terror alert thing does an asteroid put us on? It would be totally sweet if we got up to the red. I mean, but like stamping out terrorism with a @#%$ asteroid is cool, but we would all die too. Wouldn't it be cooler if we told all the terrorists where a safe place from the asteroid was, and then Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck saved us from the asteroid with our own sweet crude oil straight from the National Arctic Wildlife Refuge? And then we just bombed the spot where we told all the terrorists to go because it was a trick. Dude, that is so hot it could make Janet Reno open up a paint can with her ding dong. I'm going to go watch "Ninja, Please."
Senator Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota, suggested that there might be reasonable measures of success for what until now has been an ill-defined "war on terror." Recalling the intended targets at the war's start, the majority leader said the United States must track down high-ranking Taliban and al-Qaida leaders, including Osama bin Laden, "or we will have failed." Americans, he added, are "not safe until we have broken the back of al-Qaida, and we haven't done that yet." Senator Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, screeched,"DON'T YOU CRITICIZE THE PRESIDENT, BOY!"
weekly commentary from doctorworm.com
related link (Asteroid Could Hit in 878 years AP article): story.news.yahoo.com/news...e_menace_1