Thomas Suozzi's Code of Ethics

[Hamster]

You Might Be a Nassau Democrat IF:

1. You have a deep-seeded “need” to believe that Bill Clinton (or any other politician) actually “felt your pain.”

2. You drive a Volvo, because, as we all know…the liberal “political statement” of driving a Swedish car is emblematic of your endorsement of Sweden’s infamous “neutrality” in all wars.

3. You’ve never spent one day on active or reserve duty in the military.

4. You wear polar fleece, even though it’s made from petro-chemicals—just to PROVE you would NEVER harm an animal to wear its skin.

5. You have a hyphenated last name.

6. You are a tenured “professor” of anything relating to sociology, political science, English, philosophy...and, hence, you are hiding out in a cozy little world where you can TRY to remember your youth in the 1960’s AND to pollute the minds of those whose parents pay your salary.

7. Since you pay few taxes, you think of taxation as “social justice”…because, after all, people who actually EARN a living are evil.

8. You rage at Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity---but you listen to them. EVERY day!

9. You tie a red bandanna around your animal-companion’s neck.

10. You drink politically correct coffees and designer water.

11. You think Kurt Cobain was a genius.

12. You spent most of your high school years in fear.

13. You are from a dysfunctional home and, in all likelihood, have attended (or need to attend) SOME form of therapy so you can begin to understand why you hate(d) your father.

14. You own some artifact related to Che’ Guevara.

15. You “embrace diversity”: even though most “diverse persons” hate you for your condescending arrogance.

16. You not-so-secretly “want” Ann Coulter.

17. You are convinced of your own moral and intellectual superiority. That’s why you only earn $35,000.00 a year.

18. You wear Earth shoes or the modern equivalent thereof. It’s part of the “uniform” (See “polar fleece”, supra.)

19. Because you hate the President, you think Saddam Hussein loyalists are “freedom fighters” (see, Che’ Guevara, supra) and since you view yourself as downtrodden, you are hoping that more Americans die than terrorists (see #3, supra).

20. You frequent other liberal blogs.

21. You DESPERATELY HOPE Hillary wins in 2008.

22. You spend AT LEAST 3 hours a day on someone’s message board, clattering away in the safe anonyminity of cyberspace.

23. You’ve never played a competitive sport in your life. And, like, dude, skateboarding and Frisbee golf do NOT qualify.

24. You loathe yourself.

25. You don’t actually believe in killing the unborn…but, since Christians are against it…you must be FOR it.

26. You bitch about other people driving big cars…but you continue to drive yours. (Oh, and you’ll never ACTUALLY ride a bus of “persons of cultural diversity”.)

27. You’re actually weirded out by lesbians, but since they hate conservatives, you’ll side with them.

28. “Misery loves company” is your family motto.

29. You are probably no older than 35, are Caucasian, male, have no more than a BA is some worthless field of study, with a g.p.a. of around 2.5, and are furious at “corporations” because the only job you could get involves sitting in a cubicle doing mindless monkey work.

30. You actually read this to its conclusion, and despite your rage and desire to retaliate, you admit to yourself that MOST of the above accurately describes you.

[hedgehog]

You forgot one thing: you're a Nassau Democrat if you voted for the winner in the last CE election.

Re-read your post. $35,000 salary and driving a Volvo? Can you at least TRY to make sense?

AND I will guarantee you that I make more $$ than you. So kiss my a**.

[disgruntled taxpayer V]

That Hampster person is really, really good. I'll try my own stab at the Tom Suozzi Democrat.


You Might Be a Tom Suozzi Democrat If:


1) You were convicted of a class E felony or above, or are currently the "target" of a grand jury investigation. And you were still hired by Tom Suozzi.

2) You thought that Judge Gross was "brave" for showering naked in his backyard with his toddlers.

3) You paid at least $50,000 to various political committees to hold down a $65,000 a year job, which was recently boosted to a $165,000 a year job.

4) You live in the 631, 718, 212, or 914 area codes. Anywhere but 516.

5) Your pet cause after work is trying to lower the $9 toll on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge because commuting from Hylan Boulevard in Staten Island to Mineola, New York is a bitch.

6) You work full time or part time for the Parks Deparment, DPW, or Consumer Affairs Department.

7) You were hired as a part time day laborer for $70,000 a year, spend most of your "work day" operating phone banks at Suozzi Headquarters, and your "supervisor" clocks you in for over-time.

8) Your favorite part of your drive home from work is when you can see the Statue of Liberty from the Belt Parkway.

9) You are a strict feminist who opposes sexual harrassment in the work place, unless the offender is William Jefferson Clinton or a well connected African American politician or bureaucrat.

10) You were deeply offended when Clarence Thomas said their was a pubic hair on his coke, but you made Pete Sylver's rape victim sign that confidentiality agreement.

11) You think Crowe Deegan was worth every penny they were paid by the IDA.

12) You are shocked by the salary made by the average patrol man, but you think paying useless bureaucrats $100,000 to lick envelopes for Suozzi's re-election campaign is prudent fiscal policy.

13) You're never on this website on County time.

14) You refer to Jericho Turnpike as Jamaica Avenue.

15) You live in the same rent controlled apartment in the Bronx you grew up in.

16) If you play your cards right, you might be able to swing a deal on that condo in Brooklyn Heights.

17) You leave work at 11:45 am on Friday so that you can make it back to Boro Park before Sabbath begins.

18) In your opinion, Abe Beame was the best damned mayor the City of New York ever had! Because he hired you.

19) You think it's a shame that they don't make men like Meade Esposito anymore.

20) You buy Nassau County Municipal Bonds because they're now "investment grade."

21) When your buddy first hooked you up with a job in "Nassau" you thought you were going to work in the Bahamas.

22) You spent an entire week-end with your family driving through New Hyde Park to find Franklin Delano Roosevelt's home, but could not find it.

23) You think that Glen Cove is the capital of New York.

24) You still believe Suozzi will be govenor in 2006 and President in 2012, or the very latest, 2016. And you're brushing up your resume to serve in his cabinet while we speak.

[hedgehog]

Pretty cute, coming from a member of a dying party. In 1997 Nassau repugs outnumbered dems by > 100,000. Now it's around 25,000. Where'd they all go??