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Elmer Glue
02-09-2005, 05:50 PM
This is an open letter, which you are welcome to use as you wish. I want as many people as possible to know that The Suffolk Police Department's bons mots are as devoid of meaning as the squawk of an angry bluejay. The nitty-gritty of what I'm about to write is this: If the human race is to survive on this planet, we will have to improve the living conditions of the most vulnerable in our society -- the sick, the old, the disabled, the unemployed, and our youth -- all of whose lives are made miserable by The Suffolk Police Department. I cannot promise not to be angry at The Suffolk Police Department. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me -- as it leads The Suffolk Police Department -- to plague our minds.

The more I think about the worst classes of short-sighted gasbags there are, the more troubled I become by The Suffolk Police Department's endeavors. Come on, The Suffolk Police Department; I know you're capable of thoughtful social behavior. Although The Suffolk Police Department has repeatedly denied charges of attempting to weaken family ties, I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing it of planning to make us too confused, demoralized, and disunited to put up an effective opposition to its hastily mounted campaigns. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: It doesn't reck one whit about how others might feel, and everyone with half a brain understands that. The Suffolk Police Department's victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of The Suffolk Police Department's grunts, who loudly proclaim that phallocentrism brings one closer to nirvana. Regardless of those untoward proclamations, the truth is that each rung on the ladder of fascism is a crisis of some kind. Each crisis supplies an excuse for it to deliver an additional blow to dignity and self-worth. That is the standard process by which irresponsible wonks dismantle the family unit. If you've read any of the mad slop that The Suffolk Police Department has concocted, you'll certainly recall The Suffolk Police Department's description of its plan to commit all sorts of mortal sins -- not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones. If you haven't read any of it, well, all you really need to know is that there is a format The Suffolk Police Department should follow for its next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts.

The Suffolk Police Department's lies come in many forms. Some of its lies are in the form of notions. Others are in the form of invectives. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion. It's easy for armchair philosophers to theorize about The Suffolk Police Department and about hypothetical solutions to our The Suffolk Police Department problem. It's an entirely more difficult matter, however, when one considers that if you've read this far, then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. How dare The Suffolk Police Department criticize my values when its are so obviously satanic? You don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people. I can therefore assure you that the acid test for The Suffolk Police Department's "kinder, gentler" new inclinations should be, "Do they still pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and operation of a debauched coterie of Bonapartism?" If the answer is yes, then we can conclude that The Suffolk Police Department's statements such as "Every word that leaves The Suffolk Police Department's mouth is teeming with useful information" indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual.

The Suffolk Police Department's dissolute sophistries are an epiphenomenon of insecure priggism. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper, because it's the news that just doesn't fit. So, The Suffolk Police Department, maybe the problem is not with the most dirty tricksters I've ever seen, but with you. I believe I have finally figured out what makes organizations like The Suffolk Police Department lead people towards iniquity and sin. It appears to be a combination of an overactive mind, lack of common sense, assurance of one's own moral propriety, and a total lack of exposure to the real world. The foregoing analysis is self-evident, even if it is sometimes overlooked. Less evident are the specific ways in which we should instill a sense a responsibility and maturity in those who use mass organization as a system of integration and control. I want to keep this brief: The Suffolk Police Department is out to defile the present and destroy the future. And when we play its game, we become accomplices.

As you can see, if you read between the lines of The Suffolk Police Department's put-downs, you'll undoubtedly find that The Suffolk Police Department sees people like you and me as the perfect drones for its future globalist regime. Now that's a rather crude and simplistic statement, and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it surely expresses how The Suffolk Police Department often starts with a preconceived story and then plugs in supposed "information" in order to create a somewhat believable tale. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that before I knew anything about it, I was once an onlooker at a few of The Suffolk Police Department's mass demonstrations, without possessing even the slightest insight into the mentality of its satraps or the nature of its "compromises"? I would venture the answer has something to do with militarism. To elaborate, The Suffolk Police Department is capable of only two things, namely whining and underhanded tricks. As it turns out, The Suffolk Police Department believes that those who disagree with it should be cast into the outer darkness, should be shunned, should starve. The real damage that this belief causes actually has nothing to do with the belief itself, but with psychology, human nature, and the skillful psychological manipulation of that nature by The Suffolk Police Department and its addlepated legatees. The Suffolk Police Department's manifestos are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to freedom? Well, if I knew that, I'd be in Stockholm picking up my prize and a sizable check. I don't care what others say about The Suffolk Police Department. It's still hotheaded, dysfunctional, and it intends to treat people like bleeding-heart, fickle hermits.

I wouldn't even mention that as a dynamic historical current, vandalism has taken many different forms and has evolved dramatically in some ways if it weren't true. If one accepts the framework I've laid out here, it follows that you should never forget the three most important facets of The Suffolk Police Department's rantings, namely their ostentatious origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. On a completely different tack, The Suffolk Police Department's attempts to focus too much on one side of the equation and not enough on the broader perspective of things are much worse than mere demagogism. They are hurtful, malicious, criminal behavior and deserve nothing less than our collective condemnation. As a dynamic, historical current, nihilism has taken many different forms and has evolved dramatically in a variety of ways. Natural law is therefore the fulcrum upon which rests the case that if The Suffolk Police Department had even a shred of intellectual integrity, it'd admit that it unquestionably believes that anyone who resists it deserves to be crushed. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is it living in? I'll tell you the answer in a moment. But first, let me just say that I would never take a job working for it. Given its ophidian shell games, who would want to? Perhaps The Suffolk Police Department has never had to take a stand and fight for something as critical as our right to bring strength to our families, power to our nation, and health to our cities. But it has been said that the union of theory and practice, in its hands, becomes a union of pomposity and post-structuralism. I, in turn, contend that if it weren't for hypocritical humanity-haters, it would have no friends.

If you're still reading this letter, I wish to compliment you for being sufficiently open-minded to understand that The Suffolk Police Department's remarks always follow the same pattern. It puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that coldhearted bigamists and moonstruck nudniks should rule this country. Posterity will have little occasion to glorify The Suffolk Police Department's "heroic" existence in a new epic. I'll say that again, because I want it to sink in: The Suffolk Police Department has a near-legendary lack of common sense, decency, and manners.

Poison is countered only by an antidote. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: The Suffolk Police Department's faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree. Now that I think about it, we must provide some balance to The Suffolk Police Department's one-sided wheelings and dealings if we are ever to stand up and fight for our heritage, traditions, and values. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must indeed pursue because The Suffolk Police Department wants us to think of it as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that it wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If The Suffolk Police Department really wanted to be a do-gooder, it could start by admitting that there's always been suffering in the world, and wrongs have been and will continue to be committed. That should serve as the final, ultimate, irrefutable proof that The Suffolk Police Department maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around it. There's a word for that: libel.

I have given this issue a great deal of thought, and I now have a strong conviction that The Suffolk Police Department keeps saying that it could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, I feel no more personal hatred for it than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. The Suffolk Police Department is offended by anything that might suggest that this makes its tirades seem grumpy and even a bit demonic. Ergo, documents written by its expositors typically include the line, "The Suffolk Police Department has its moral compass in tact", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that harebrained bitter-types like The Suffolk Police Department often think they have the right to form the association in the public's mind between any zingers The Suffolk Police Department disagrees with and the ideas of hate and violence and illegality. If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity, then there is decidedly no hope for you.

The Suffolk Police Department says that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. I've seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. If I am correct that this is kind of a touchy subject to some people, then it has written volumes about how the few of us who complain regularly about its histrionics are simply spoiling the party. Don't believe a word of it, though. The truth is that I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why it's no secret that it provides simplistic answers to complex problems. My peers think that we can't stand idly by and let it clear forests, strip the topsoil, and turn a natural paradise into a dust bowl through a self-induced drought. While this is unmistakably true, I suspect we must add that its perspective is that it holds a universal license that allows it to rescue despotism from the rubbish heap of history, dust it off, slap on a coat of cheap sophistry, and market it as new and improved. My perspective, in contrast, is that the tone of The Suffolk Police Department's subliminal psywar campaigns is eerily reminiscent of that of aberrant, pudibund scroungers of the late 1940s, in the sense that The Suffolk Police Department makes free and liberal use of chicanery, deceit, intolerance, lust, persecution, and oppression. And I can say that with a clear conscience, because The Suffolk Police Department's agendas are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, The Suffolk Police Department exhibits an overweening sense of entitlement and a predilection for depreciating others. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now, I'll simply summarize by stating that The Suffolk Police Department and its backers are, by nature, wicked proponents of parasitism. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but The Suffolk Police Department's commentaries all stem from one, simple, faulty premise -- that it's okay to divert our attention from serious issues. Let us now join hands, hearts, and minds to fight to the end for our ideas and ideals. This is far from all I have to say on the topic, but it's certainly enough for now. Just remember one thing: Everything The Suffolk Police Department writes is littered with spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, missing punctuation, irregular capitalization, false statements, and incoherent thoughts and sentences.

Jizm Jim
02-09-2005, 05:53 PM
I do not apologize for the amount of space in this letter I intend to devote to telling you about The Suffolk Police Department. I realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the events I'm referring to. I'm not going to go into those details here, but you can read up on them elsewhere. In other words, in a recent essay, The Suffolk Police Department stated that the purpose of life is self-gratification. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but if its endeavors get any more self-satisfied, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. The Suffolk Police Department likes to launch into nonsensical non sequiturs. That sounds really randy, but I aver that it's an accurate assessment of the situation.

The Suffolk Police Department says that anyone who resists it deserves to be crushed. The inference is that violence and prejudice are funny. I'm happy to report that I can't follow that logic. Irrespective of one's feelings on the subject, The Suffolk Police Department claims that it has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. Well, I beg to differ. Okay, I've written enough for one letter, so let me just finish by saying that The Suffolk Police Department accepts superstition for science, hokum and magic for medicine, monotone chanting for music, and lethargic passivity in lieu of discovery and inquiry.

hahahahahehe
02-09-2005, 06:11 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAH

HEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHEHEHEH.... Oh my GOD are you kidding me????? I literally sit here with tears in my eyes from laughter I have not experienced for a long time. What a joke! Hey guy. Who are you trying to impress with that post. I picture you with a dictionary at your side as you write that so you can attempt to sound intelligent. Instead, you went absolutely nowhere with that crap! By the way, it's obvious you plugged in "The Suffolk County Police Department" because it wasn't grammatically correct in a few spots. Give us a break. This is why I don't even bother to post here anymore. But I couldn't resist this one. .... Unbelievable!

G. Glue
02-09-2005, 06:16 PM
Sir:

Even as I sit here, I can't believe I'm writing this. I've never been one to voice my opinions in such a public manner. But after learning that Mr. Guest wants to replicate the most bestial structures of contemporary life, I felt I at least had to set a few things straight. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean him personally for his beliefs or worldviews. But I do aver that I must investigate the development of pharisaism as a concept. I like to think I'm a reasonable person, but you just can't reason with snotty cult leaders. It's been tried. They don't understand, they can't understand, they don't want to understand, and they will die without understanding why all we want is for them not to preach fear and ignorance.

It is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did his reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "Where do brutal psychics like him come from, and what are we going to do with them?" It is bootless to speculate on the matter, but it should be noted that Mr. Guest has a natural talent for complaining. He can find any aspect of life and whine about it for hours upon hours. Each rung on the ladder of snobbism is a crisis of some kind. Each crisis supplies an excuse for him to substitute breast-beating and schwarmerei for action and honest debate. That is the standard process by which featherbrained televangelists use psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever bleeding-heart schmucks require of us.

You may make the comment, "What does this have to do with flippant nabobs of autism?" Well, once you begin to see the light, you'll realize that my general thesis is that someone has to be willing to answer the violent dirtbags who dominate or intimidate others. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that everyone and everything discriminates against Mr. Guest -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: I recently heard him tell a bunch of people that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. I can't adequately describe my first reaction to this notion; I simply don't know how to represent uncontrollable laughter in text. We must defy the international enslavement of entire peoples. Our children depend on that. Mr. Guest has a deep conviction that everyone with a different set of beliefs from his is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. Then again, that notion has been popular for as long as pauperism has existed. I see how important his mawkish outbursts are to his trucklers and I laugh. I laugh because he teaches workshops on absenteeism. Students who have been through the program compare it to a Communist re-education camp. Experience should probably indicate that it's astounding that Mr. Guest has somehow found a way to work the words "intercommunicability" and "epididymodeferentectomy" into his orations. However, you may find it even more astounding that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less birdbrained than Mr. Guest.

I, not being one of the many nit-picky insurrectionists of this world, know how most of you feel. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Why doesn't he reveal the truth about himself? A clue might be that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of his writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Mr. Guest's writings to know that Mr. Guest wants all of us to believe that his effusions are Holy Writ. That's why he sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. The last time I told Mr. Guest's apostles that I want to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem, they declared in response, "But the ideas of 'freedom' and 'hooliganism' are Siamese twins." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. You know what we'd have if everybody wanted to brand me as tactless? Total chaos.

Mr. Guest is a pretty good liar most of the time. However, he tells so many lies, he's bound to trip himself up someday. Do you really want him to shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it? I think not. I, not being one of the many petty, prolix frowzy-types of this world, am not fooled by his neurotic and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that Mr. Guest maintains that either he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative or that this is the best of all possible worlds and that he is the best of all possible people. Mr. Guest denies any other possibility. Okay, now it's time to offend a few people. Actually, I hope not to offend anyone, although his shell games manifest themselves in two phases. Phase one: fragment the nation into politically disharmonious units. Phase two: slow scientific progress.

A day of reckoning is coming, and Mr. Guest will be called to account, but I guess nobody ever explained that to Mr. Guest's acolytes. This is abject revanchism! Forgive me, dear reader, but I must be so tactless as to remind you that there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I assert, there's a time to turn random, senseless violence into meaningful action. Or, to put it less poetically, Mr. Guest ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: The same poisonous spirit that infects rabid yahoos also pollutes Mr. Guest's thinking.

Fact: Mr. Guest's cat's-paws believe that those rights and protections which give us voice in a democratic society are the cause of parasitism and social chaos and must be thwarted or dismantled.

Fact: Now is the time to redefine the rhetoric and make room for meaningful discussion.

In addition, Mr. Guest commonly appoints ineffective people to important positions. He then ensures that these people stay in those positions, because that makes it easy for Mr. Guest to threaten national security.

Almost without exception, Mr. Guest will probably respond to this letter just like he responds to all criticism. He will put me down as "counter-productive" or "insufferable". That's his standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about him except the most fawning praise. Ask him about any of his fans who deploy enormous resources in a war of attrition against helpless citizens, and the drossy jerk will say, "I never meant they should go that far." Sure, he may have a right to cheat on taxes, but we certainly don't have to stand idly by while he exercises that right. There is no reason to dress up Mr. Guest's profit motive in the cloak of selfless altruism and there is every reason not to. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the general drift. Let us not sink to Mr. Guest's level. Let us combat authoritarianism by exercising our right to speak out, to denounce Mr. Guest's projects as totally unrepresentative of the values of this society.

The two things I just mentioned -- the way that I, not being one of the many disgusting ridiculous-types of this world, take no part in any argument over these or any other views and the fact that his canards reinforce the point that we still have a long way to go in terms of achieving true tolerance in our society -- may sound like they're completely unrelated, but they're not. The common link is that I do not find drug-induced ravings that are raucous, sullen, and superficial to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe he is always trying to change the way we work. This annoys me, because Mr. Guest's previous changes have always been for the worse. I'm positive that his new changes will be even more besotted, because it's time for Mr. Guest to get back on the reality bus -- and Mr. Guest knows it. When I say that I have nothing in common with Mr. Guest, I consider this to mean that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that Mr. Guest's policies are built on lies and they depend on make-believe for their continuation. While I don't question his motives, and I certainly understand the frustrations of Mr. Guest's secret police, if Mr. Guest is going to brainwash the masses into submission, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, seeing him achieve total world domination is a nauseating and disgusting spectacle. And second, any rational argument must acknowledge this. His feckless nostrums, naturally, do not.

He never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, Mr. Guest's claimed magnanimousness is utterly chimerical and, furthermore, the fetishism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, disdainful attack on progressive ideas. There is a format Mr. Guest should follow for his next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts.

I, for one, have seen what he is capable of, and I am afraid. I am very afraid and I am very angry. In case you have any doubts, he should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory. Let us now break the neck of Mr. Guest's policy of insurrectionism once and for all, because in that is our only hope for the future.

02-09-2005, 06:59 PM
Anyone actually read any of this prior posts please clue me in as to what THIS ones whining about? sorry, way too long and all over the place.

AMINDISATERRIBLETHING
02-09-2005, 07:19 PM
TO WASTE
Anyone actually read any of this prior posts please clue me in as to what THIS ones whining about? sorry, way too long and all over the place.
Yes I read the whole thing it says drive me to cpep, i need meds, a warm place to stay, some food on the arm, Oh yeah, a new depends.
Folks, posters like this is why you watch your children.
1) So he doesnt touch them
2) So they dont end up like him

02-09-2005, 07:58 PM
Never has anyone took the time to write so much, yet say so little.
The comments spewed forth by the previous writer, say NOTHING.
There are no specifics, no reasons, no merit to anything he wrote. Simply put, he said nothing.
Plenty of words, but what did he say? Anyone? Am I wrong? Better yet, anyone other than the original writer, please tell me what substance there was to back up any of the comments previously posted. thanks

old suffolk
02-09-2005, 09:21 PM
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Camewhiffling through the......

What? Oh I'm sorry, I read the post that started this thread and I thought everyone was supposed to write the most nonsensical thing they had ever heard or read. Nevermind. :wink:

02-09-2005, 09:29 PM
Suffolk PD, Just my thoughts
At least warn us you ran out of halidol and prozac first before you ramble

TheDude
02-09-2005, 10:14 PM
Is there a doctor on the board...One that can write legit scripts...a whole lot of them, too.

Idea?
02-09-2005, 10:54 PM
Don't anyone respond to this post, I know if i wrote that much crap and no one responded I would really see what a wast of time i really am

EDP ALERT
02-10-2005, 01:46 AM
Listen, Elmer. (there's your first problem) You sound like an ex-girlfriend who may have been caught with your pants down. Is it possible that you either:
1- Need serious psychological help
2- Got locked up recently, and feel the need to babble
3- Your wife realized that size did matter
4- You wanted to try out your new dictionary
5- You just like to repeat the phrase "The Suffolk County Police Department"
6- You're an @sshole

Ms. Manners
02-10-2005, 09:04 AM
...it looks like someone decided to entertain us using Scotty P.'s little play toy....using all ten paragraphs no less...lol

Ms. Manners
02-10-2005, 09:10 AM
Don't anyone respond to this post, I know if i wrote that much crap and no one responded I would really see what a wast of time i really am

The poster didn't write it. You can thank Scotty P. for generating that bit of truth about the SCPD.

In case you didn't know, Scotty P. is a rising star cub reporter for a amalgamated tabloid that recently broke ground here on Long Island.

SCOTTYP
02-10-2005, 09:13 AM
The poster didn't write it. You can thank Scotty P. for generating that bit of truth about the SCPD.

In case you didn't know, Scotty P. is a rising star cub reporter for a amalgamated tabloid that recently broke ground here on Long Island.
Oh thanks now I rest knowing whom scottyp is.

Ms. Manners
02-10-2005, 09:16 AM
Listen, Elmer. (there's your first problem) You sound like an ex-girlfriend who may have been caught with your pants down. Is it possible that you either:
1- Need serious psychological help
2- Got locked up recently, and feel the need to babble
3- Your wife realized that size did matter
4- You wanted to try out your new dictionary
5- You just like to repeat the phrase "The Suffolk County Police Department"
6- You're an @sshole

I noticed you were also suckered in to responding to that bit of computer generated doubletalk. :lol:

I'll bet you even read it BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am dithi
02-10-2005, 03:08 PM
My name is dithi, and i'm hiding out in downtown Shirley on Feb 30, 1999, and this may very well be my last communication on earth so I'm going to make it important. The evil henchmen of the SCPD are after me. It all started many thousands of years ago with the Phoenician discovery of interlocking metal strips. They kept this secret as holy, and like China's use of paper, it was not brought to the West for centuries.

Concurrently in Greece, Pythagoras's cult had known the secret of the metal teeth, but guarded it from the uninitiated. There it was lost until modern times. There is some hint of a Masonic or Templarian connection in the promulgation of the discovery but most scholars dismiss this as lunatic ranting by uninformed conpiracists. A careful reading of Nostradamus's Centuries will reveal that he foresaw the rise of the SCPD. Additionally there is some non-canonical evidence that Tiberius the blind seer made some ominous predictions.

Anyway, on to the present danger. The Mastoids, a homely folksy people, innocent in every respect, are preparing to bring Western Civilization to it's very knees! Surreptitiously, they have founded three corporations which are working together to control us God-fearing White Anglo-Saxon Protestants: 3M, which makes velcro, an alternative to the secret technology, Levi's who make button fly jeans that need no further reinforcement, and the SCPD, who control the world's supply of zippers.

The SCPD is a multi-national Blood-sucking organization based in the land of Yellow People who have amassed the enormous resources required to produce complex vital technical components such as zippers. In fact they produce over 40,000 kilometers of zippers per year. That's enough zippers to wrap the earth 42 times in a veritable "zipper of squeezing death" that would strangle all world commerce. This makes the Jewish-Templarian-Canadian conspiracy pale in comparison! Along with their subsidiary, YSB, the SCPD is planning to restrict the supply of zippers to "approved" communities, or communes, where all people hail each other as "comrade" and drive horse drawn buggies.

This is the true face of the Mastoids. Unbelievable as it may seem, they are stockpiling weapons, practicing covert operations, peddling cocaine, and sending out the Amish Massod on assassination missions. There is also an inexplicable link with Nutella brand chocolate spread. The key is this: they don't use zippers at all. They don't believe in them. The agent of this demonic possession-like control of the earth will be the SCPD. No one else could possible produce zippers because of international patent law, and the hordes of Yellow Men who fly planes into ships at the first sign of underground zipper production. This happened in 1942 at the covert Pearl Harbor government zipper project, code named, the Manhattan Project. As a side note, that project was changed to provide the ineffectual atom-bomb which did nothing to reduce the zipper production of war time Japan.

And now they've chased me down to the depths of cajun land where i though i could escape the wily Amish, but there's no hope for me. I can hear the ominous hoof beats of a Bearded Scythe-wielding Death bearing down upon your humble author. I may die, but this information must be spread before we are all doomed. I die in peace though, as my compatriots and the organization I work for will continue the fight without me. Support our efforts by joining one of our front operations like millions of Americans already have. With the help of AA, AAA, and AARP, we can stop these hat-wearing fiends. And lest you think this specter is not real, I urge you citizen! Check your zipper, see the mark of the Beast, SCPD! And know, the time is now! SCPD is Y2K as you can plainly see.